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The past prepares you for the future

     Dominica  

     “THE SHACKS” at Ross University

          

By the end of only 4.5 years of college I had earned a Bachelor of Science in Physiology, a Bachelor of Arts in Spanish (Linguistics concentration) and a Minor in Chemistry. I did not have much guidance as to how to go about successfully and efficiently applying to Medical School, but since that was my goal since the age of three, nothing was going to get in my way. After applying to only a few schools in the USA (a reflection of my lack of awareness of how to cast a wider net as well as the financial limitations since applying to medical schools was expensive) and making it to interviews,  I found myself unsuccessful with admissions, despite a very strong GPA and extracurricular activities.  I was informed by a family friend who is a practicing physician and an alumnus of the school,  about a medical school based on the East coast that had the didactic training in the Caribbean and the clinical rotations back in the US.

 I was discouraged by my ex boyfriend and high school sweetheart (he was also applying to medical schools and we’d remained friends) about applying. He said that that it would be hard to match into a residency spot if I go to this school because it is considered to be somewhat of a “foreign medical school”. I told him that my parents brought me to this country so that I could accomplish my goal of being a doctor, but I am not from this country and if I have to leave the country to get what I need then that is exactly what I will do, and US residency programs would be lucky to have me. 

My family was nervous about me leaving because my immigration status was at that time very tenuous and the government was looking for any excuse to not grant citizenship. Actually, even though my immigration lawyer helped me with  special travel documents so I had permission to be out of the country for that time, when I tried to get my citizenship after returning to the States, they sited the fact that I did that as grounds for why my application would be delayed by another 3 years. I remember looking the agent in the eye during my interview and telling him that this country would have preferred that I sat on my butt and didn’t do anything rather than leave for 16 months and become a physician. He had nothing to say to that. 

I applied to that school and was accepted. I was also awarded the Eliza Ann Grier full tuition and book scholarship. I was one of the last people to receive that award before it was discontinued. I am ashamed to admit that it was not until years later that I thought of truly looking into the namesake of that scholarship. 

Eliza Ann Grier changed the face of medicine. She was an emancipated slave who faced racial discrimination and financial hardship while pursuing her dream of becoming a doctor. To pay for her medical education, she alternated every year of study with a year of picking cotton. It took her seven years to graduate, but in 1898 she became the first African American woman licensed to practice medicine in the state of Georgia. I found it poetic that she was an Obstetrician Gynecologist, just like me.

I digress... the point is that even back in my early 20s, I had the clarity of vision and the wisdom to know when I wasn’t getting what I needed from this country and the courage to leave it to accomplish my goals. 

I met my husband a few months before leaving for Dominica. After less than three months together, we got engaged, right before I left. We spent only one semester apart before he followed me down there and spent my last 3 semesters there with me, as a supportive partner and manager of our book store. We both adapted to the limitations of living on a small island and we thrived. All we needed was each other and our resilience and flexibility. 

I think about the 16mo I spent on that island, leaving to the unknown with almost no money and no one there to help me. I think about all I adapted to while also studying the hardest I had ever studied in my life (and that is saying a lot). I think of that time on the island of Dominica and I know that there is nothing that New Zealand could throw at Randy and me that we won’t be able to adjust to or turn into a success. 

The past has truly prepared me for the future

And, by the way, I graduated from medical school with Honors, and had no trouble matching into a residency program in the US. 

Unity

 Someone asked this question on a messageboard and here was an English woman's reply:

What is normal in New Zealand but weird in the rest of the world?

Unity.

I have to warn you, this answer is a bit cheeky. I’ll explain why in a minute. But first, a quick story.

A quick story:

Around about this time last year (March 2020) New Zealand went into full lockdown in an attempt to stop the spread of the Coronavirus.

I'm not here to share the lockdown part with you, that's old news, I'm here to share why it was weird. How, once upon a time, in a global pandemic, everyone in a country did as they were told. And although it was a joy to witness. It was a bit of a shock.

Go on…

I am British and I emigrated to New Zealand with my husband and kids twelve years ago.

I was born and raised in England where I lived for 39 years.

In England, when someone in authority (let's say a bus driver) tells people to sit down there will always be that awkward sod that says no. The one that remains standing.

I'm not sure why this is. It's probably something to do with freedom of speech or burning your bra or something. Don't ask me. All I know is that I grew up in a country accepting that not everyone did as they were told.

Even if it meant putting others at risk.

When we lived in England, my son's school sent a letter home asking parents to support a no screens on Wednesday policy. There was an outcry. Ten or more mothers banging on the office door. Demanding to know: 'Says who?'

And the sad part was? People didn't bat an eyelid.

Including me.

I accepted that there would always be those who took great pleasure in going against the grain.

Look at Sid Vicious. He was born in England. And everyone knows what a rebel he was.

Lockdown in New Zealand

So when the people of New Zealand were given forty-eight hours notice to get their sh*t together and stay indoors for a month, I was secretly expecting rebellion. I was waiting for it.

But it never ever happened.

I observed in awe when, for the first time ever in my life, I witnessed a country coming together. Unifying.

Whether the New Zealanders liked it or not I don't know.

But for an entire month, people put their rights and their whinging and the, 'it's not fairs,' to one side and they got on with the job that they had been asked to do.

To stay at home.

Of course, there was the odd scallywag.

One bloke held a beer party at the end of his driveway and was seen throwing hot dogs over the fence to his aunty. But these cases were few and far between.

It was official. The country was united.

While the rest of the world declared war on Covid, New Zealand adopted the slogan unite against Covid.

And that's exactly what they did. Unite.

To be part of that unity felt glorious and, if I'm honest, surreal. I was living in a country where everyone, every single person was on the same page.

Noone left their homes unless they had to. Noone walked their dog in places that required driving to. People were courteous and kept their distance.

Everyone did as they were told.

And so, in answer to the question: What is normal in your country but weird in the rest of the world?

I hold you forward Aotearoa. Because you blew me away. With your unity, your calmness, your compassion and your shut-up-and-get-on-with-it attitude.

And while this may be normal to you New Zealand, believe me, to this English girl it felt weird.

Wonderfully glorious but a little bit weird.

Wise Words

 "It  is OK to walk away when something is good. 

It doesn't always have to be bad to bid adieu. 

Walk away from good to great!" 

Dr.  Leslie- Ann Williams M.D. 

Today I did another hard thing. I informed my amazing partners that I would be leaving the country. The outpouring of love and UNDERSTANDING I received was overwhelming. 

I have an amazing job, working alongside amazing physicians. One of the hardest things to have to walk away from in order to seek peace for me and my family will be this job and these women. I am so truly blessed that I often wonder why God has deemed fit to spoil me so much. 

Today starts our 3 month countdown to leaving the United States. Now starts even more hard work of preparing the house that we love, to be sold. Immigration proceedings, finalizing medical licensing. 

I have the support of my family and my friends, and now I have the blessing and support of the people who work with me in the trenches of health care, saving lives every day. What more could I ask for? 

Stages

 

Some weeks ago we had the first of many yard sales. This was after what felt like a successful interview but  before I found out that I was offered the job. We had the kids go through their rooms and clean and make the decision of what toys they would put into two bins that we provided them that they would like us to ship on the container to NZ. 

We sold what was in good condition and threw away a lot of junk.  This was a "things are getting real" moment for the kids and it gave them the opportunity to feel all the feels and go through the stages between excitement and trepidation, of looking forward as well as missing what they are leaving behind. They love their rooms. 

They all did a great job. 

Family Ties

I have often been asked about how my family, outside of my husband and kids, feel about our decision to move away from the United States. 

This answer comes in stages. 

FIRST- Years of me expressing to my siblings and parents my dissatisfaction and my angst. Years of them agreeing with me. Years of me saying that we will most likely move. Years of them hoping that I wouldn't actually do so. 

SECOND- I announce that Randy and I were closer than we'd ever been to leaving, but may stay based on how certain events in politics went. Them saying that they hope those events go my way then so we can stay.

THIRD- Randy and I realizing that single political events would not change the reasons why we wanted to leave in the first place and that regardless of the outcome, the right thing for us to do would be to leave 

Shock. I had to remind them of our countless conversations and my many warnings when I was asked "why so sudden?"

Rationalizing. "Every country has problems". "There is racism everywhere".

 Out of all of my siblings (I am the eldest of 5), I have been the one most involved in activism and fighting for equity in education and medicine. I have been the one most up close to the perpetrators and propagators of White supremacy. As a high achieving Black woman, I had been front row to as many permutations of micro and macroaggressions America has to offer, yet I was the one being asked if I was sure. I was being asked to explain what I meant by "psychological impacts" of growing up in this country. 

I had to remind some of my siblings that not only does my title of doctor not protect me from the Black experience, but that it puts me more in the cross hairs due to always being "the only one". I found myself having to explain why my children are not as protected as they would imagine they'd be from the things that we endured growing up. Being multiracial in this country comes with its own set of pitfalls. 

I had to remind my family of all of the parts of my identity that is affected here (see prior posts). I had to make my family truly see me. In the process, they needed to remember and acknowledge that they already knew my reasons because they too have been affected in similar ways. 

I expected to hear that they didn't want me to leave because they love us, would miss us etc. 

What I didn't expect was that I would have to explain to my family as to the Why. 

My entire life I have always been level-headed, thoughtful in my decisions, rational. I have also always done what I said that I would do. At three I told my family I would be a doctor. I accomplished that with determination and grit and the support of my parents as well as the grace of God. I said that I was going to start my family although I was in residency training and I did that, and excelled nonetheless. I have never been afraid to do the hard thing, and yet, I found myself reminding my siblings and my parents that they have never seen me make a rash decision. 

Petitioning.  I should stay to continue the fight. I should stay because my trajectory was easily heading for political positions. I should stay so that I could continue to use my voice to make this country a better place.

Everyone could think of what I could do for the good of this country, but they couldn't come up with a list of what only this country could do for me.  

FOURTH- after tension, many times of answering questions and explaining myself, them seeing my resolve and determination, watching the news and finding a loss for any solid reason for me to stay, acceptance came. 

FIFTH- Resignation. Acceptance. Support. 

My parents made a huge sacrifice to give up their careers and move 5 children to a new country for the promise of opportunity. I am forever in their debt. My decision to move does not mean that they made a mistake. I have the means to make this move because of what I was able to accomplish here. 

I love my family and thank God for zoom and airplanes. We are all entitled to seek our joy. 

[I did have some family that were excited and accepting from the very beginning]

This country is full of promise and I pray that one day it really lives up to that promise for all of its people

Dear Diary

 This was my diary entry the day before I was informed that I was being offered a position at a hospital in New Zealand. 

"Today, on my way into work, I had a conversation with God. It was earnest. It felt a bit distant at first. Over the last few years, I have felt an increasing distance between myself and God that has been unsettling. I spoke to Him earnestly and reminded Him and  myself that I still  believed He was there. I reminded Him that I still remember all of the times that His presence  has been obvious and evident in my life's most major  events. With all of the world's hate, I have admittedly become bitter. I have become angry at God for  sitting back and allowing  so much evil. I have become angry at God for allowing one race to always be the brunt of hate and oppression. I am sick of it. 

That being said, I know that our move to NZ is not going to happen without Him. He has the power to bless or   curse this move- making it proceed or preventing it from happening. I  didn't want to come to  Him simply out of fear, or because I just wanted to cajole Him,  kiss up to Him. I didn't want to be disingenuous. This is why my prayers to God  about this move have not been frequent. I only want to come  to Him when I genuinely  am able to praise Him for His many blessings first before asking for anything. 

This morning was one of those moments. Randy has been encouraging me to have more faith . He is right of course. He has been reminding me that if this is to be it will be and that maybe instead of praying in desperation, I should pray with gratitude.  

So , I prayed this morning. I spoke with God and reminded him of my gratitude and  also of the desires of my heart.  Then, while at work, I realized that today was Palm Sunday. In my attempts to formulate a nice FB post, I decided to  read Mathew Chapter 21 to  see if I could find some bible verses that speak to me and support my feeling at the time, that so many Christians wouldn't know Him if he rode into town today because they have so warped  Him in their minds and to the world. 

What I got was far more inspirational and encouraging. It is as though God heard my prayers and directed me to His response.  While I did see  examples of Him  standing up for justice in this chapter, what  I also saw was Him promising His disciples  about the power of  their faith. 

Chapter 21- Jesus replied, "Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea', and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer"

I was floored when I read this. I  was immediately moved to tears. For the first time in years, I felt the  close presence of God that I was soooo used to walking around with and had sorely missed.  It was  so warm and powerful and  calming.  I  have no doubt that   my family and I will be moving to NZ this year. I  know that there are phone calls and emails about to happen. I finally received the answer that I have been seeking- that God has said yes.  This is strange because I truly believe that He is the one who spoke to me and told me to  "move" , the same way He'd told me "move" before. Every time  I listened and followed I was blessed with the change. Yet, somehow , I had started to second guess if this move was truly as anointed  as the others.  

I no longer feel as though I am fighting somewhat contrary to His will- a fear of mine as this process has dragged on way slower than I would  like.   Randy was right. It wasn't a patience problem I was  having. It was a faith problem. 

Praise God! Praise Him that I can still feel His presence and I can still hear His voice. Praise Him. Thank you  Jesus! Now, I am truly ready to leave.  As Adama  tells me- "It is already done" 

AMEN "